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newstockmarketterms [2013/01/27 21:29] (current)
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 +====== New Stock Market Terms ======
 +Due to today'​s rapidly changing stock market, the following terms
 +have had to be revised for investors in order to more clearly reflect
 +today'​s economic condition:
 +
 +CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
 +
 +CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
 +
 +BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to
 + mistake himself for a financial genius.
 +
 +BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance
 + the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
 +
 +VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
 +
 +P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the
 + market keeps crashing.
 +
 +BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
 +
 +STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
 +
 +STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
 +
 +STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets
 + equally between themselves.
 +
 +FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
 +
 +MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
 +
 +CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the
 + toilet.
 +
 +YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240
 + per share.
 +
 +WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who
 + bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
 +
 +INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Last year investor who's now locked up in a
 + nuthouse.
 +
 +PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.
 +
 +
 +-- Main.FredPettis - 20 Oct 2008
  
newstockmarketterms.txt ยท Last modified: 2013/01/27 21:29 (external edit)