Due to today's rapidly changing stock market, the following terms have had to be revised for investors in order to more clearly reflect today's economic condition:

CEO – Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO – Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET – A random market movement causing an investor to

mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET – A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance

the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING – The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO – The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the

market keeps crashing.

BROKER – What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR – Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST – Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT – When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets

equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER – A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION – The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW – The movement your money makes as it disappears down the

toilet.

YAHOO – What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240

per share.

WINDOWS 2000 – What you jump out of when you're the sucker who

bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR – Last year investor who's now locked up in a

nuthouse.

PROFIT – An archaic word no longer in use.

– Main.FredPettis - 20 Oct 2008